In my last blog I discussed letting go of your anger. I decided to confront a toxic relationship with a letter and reaching out to the other person. I sent the letter, but I did not hear from the other party. I figured that everyone was right and it was not worth confronting him. I was ready to cut my losses. Then to my surprise I received a phone call on Tuesday. His response was thank you for your letter, I don't agree with parts of it. I told him that was alright and we talked for awhile. As I mentioned earlier, there is a personal event coming up, and we are going together.
I still believe that there is a time for cutting your losses, but sometimes is necessary to clear the air before moving on.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
LETTING GO OF ANGER
Several months ago I wrote about cutting your losses. I still believe that cutting your losses is important to anyone involved in a toxic relationship.
I now realize that along with cutting your losses it is
important to let go of your anger. In my last blog I discussed a toxic relationship with a family member. It was easy enough not to talk with him, and as most of you advised me there is no sense in confronting him, because he will not change. Since July I found myself thinking about the relationship, not to the point that I was obsessive or upset about it, but I did feel a sense of loss that arose occasionally. I felt like there was unfinished business. For me, the answer was to write a letter explaining how I felt in a positive way without attacking him. This was not an easy task. I also, included a second letter, which held out an olive branch and invited him to a personal event which is important to both of us. I am waiting to see if he responds. If not life will go on.
During the past few weeks there have been a lot of things going on which are not major events, but when combined they seem major. This was compounded since yesterday was the twenty-fifth anniversary of my mothers' suicide. My anger was directed towards an issue which was important to me, but did not warrant the anger I was expressing. Unfortunately, at this time I did not realize that I was directing my anger towards my wife and other family members. I felt hurt, and I was hurting my wife and everyone around me and I could not see it. I could not see past my own hurt. ,It is easy for me to tell someone to let it go, but it is difficult to do myself. What happened to me is I started becoming the person that I was angry with. Not a good thing. It is definitely a time to look back and think about where I am coming from and what is important. The anger hurt me, but more important hurt my wife and other people close to me.
Over the past few years I have seen several cases where anger is the emotion that drives relationships. Anger leads to more anger and may eventually lead to hatred, especially if we do not know why the other person is angry with us. If you are angry address it, but think about it and make sure you are not hurting anyone else. If you are angry with someone, talk to them. Maybe what you are angry about is not as important as you think and you need to let it go.
Remember, THINK ABOUT IT, BUT LET IT GO.
I now realize that along with cutting your losses it is
important to let go of your anger. In my last blog I discussed a toxic relationship with a family member. It was easy enough not to talk with him, and as most of you advised me there is no sense in confronting him, because he will not change. Since July I found myself thinking about the relationship, not to the point that I was obsessive or upset about it, but I did feel a sense of loss that arose occasionally. I felt like there was unfinished business. For me, the answer was to write a letter explaining how I felt in a positive way without attacking him. This was not an easy task. I also, included a second letter, which held out an olive branch and invited him to a personal event which is important to both of us. I am waiting to see if he responds. If not life will go on.During the past few weeks there have been a lot of things going on which are not major events, but when combined they seem major. This was compounded since yesterday was the twenty-fifth anniversary of my mothers' suicide. My anger was directed towards an issue which was important to me, but did not warrant the anger I was expressing. Unfortunately, at this time I did not realize that I was directing my anger towards my wife and other family members. I felt hurt, and I was hurting my wife and everyone around me and I could not see it. I could not see past my own hurt. ,It is easy for me to tell someone to let it go, but it is difficult to do myself. What happened to me is I started becoming the person that I was angry with. Not a good thing. It is definitely a time to look back and think about where I am coming from and what is important. The anger hurt me, but more important hurt my wife and other people close to me.
Over the past few years I have seen several cases where anger is the emotion that drives relationships. Anger leads to more anger and may eventually lead to hatred, especially if we do not know why the other person is angry with us. If you are angry address it, but think about it and make sure you are not hurting anyone else. If you are angry with someone, talk to them. Maybe what you are angry about is not as important as you think and you need to let it go.
Remember, THINK ABOUT IT, BUT LET IT GO.
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